Nobel Prize On The Way

So, since I've been doing even more reading and writing then ever before [translation; an utterly obscene amount] I've come up with the most brilliant idea in a century, which I think it's important to share with the world. You really should be grateful I'm taking the time to educate you, after all, I have a very busy life; a stack of empty notebooks to fill with hieroglyphics, a huge pile of boatbooks to read, and... well, another stack of boatbooks...

Anyway, I realized that MS Word needs a new feature. Basically, my concept is when you open Word the first thing you get, before you can create a new document or edit an existing one, is a short (ten question) muiltiple choice English sentence correction bubble test (think SAT). If you don't do well enough you can't unlock Word and write anything. This would happen every time you tried to open the program until you had built up a consistent enough track record of success under your username. After you've proven you can recognize correct English grammar the program would stop shooting tests at you. Maybe the program could also automatically run grammar check on your writing and if your 'good English' GPA drops too far the tests would be reinstated. I'm fairly sure this would frustrate the hell out of a large portion of Word users and, if much of the writing you read is any indication, lock them permanently out of all word processing. Seriously, some people just shouldn't be allowed to write. I think I should get a Nobel prize, really. This would be a beautiful invention and a boon to society. Just think, you'd never have to read another horrible, unedited, awkward, ungainly, run on sentence on any those stupid Websites.... Oh, wait, does that include this blog? Because I certainly have absolutely no plans of giving this a read through, let alone an edit.
Anyway, Professors would love my invention too. From my experience, even in college, most people can't write to save their lives. I'm traumatized for life after peer reviewing about a million essays that are only considered English because of the spelling. Personally, I think they may actually have been in Japanese, since they read better right to left, bottom to top; atleast then it was patently obvious they were gibberish instead of putting on a false front of comprehensibility. Basically my invention would save the professors the time it takes to write huge bright red F's in their gradebooks. Instead, they just wouldn't receive any paper at all from the people who can't write basic English, very efficient I must say.

Well, it's lucky I'm perfect anyway....

Eh? I can hear that! Sarcastic scoffing won't stop my holy crusade to cleanse the world of awful writing! Oh shut up, no need to be so ghastly facetious.....

Well, anyway, there you have it; another shot of my impeccable good taste. Now, as I said, I have important business to attend too; I have to go finish my tome and rock it hard core to musicals. I'm getting in touch with my inner geek. Deeply buried though we all know it is, I figure I can tempt it out with a constant diet of Chess and writing. You should be thankful I'm not feeding it some rockin' symphonies and disgustingly complicated calculus. Still, it makes a nice change from my standard music and never ending boatbooks....

Oh, one last thing (yes, I promise, only one..). I have a theory that the only posts that get comments are the badly written ones. Basically, it seems that what it takes to sucker lurkers out of their lazy shells is a fragmented, random and generally incomplete entry. I was looking back through previous posts on a few blogs and I noticed that the most commented on entries are the ones that address, and I use the term loosely, some grand, overarching, atmospheric and whoppingly huge topic. If the post is well constructed and complete in itself then no one comments, but if it talks about 'truth', 'world peace', 'life', 'happiness' or any other overly large issue, the teenagers seem to spew out of the woodwork in their hurry to comment and solve all the world's problems in their uninformed adolescent opinions (Oh, I like that sentence, buuurn). Basically, I should write several hundred words about , let's see, how about... Love? As long as I never state an opinion, have a thesis, give examples, support my idea, or in any other way justify myself, I'll get comments up the wazoo. Maybe I'll try it. All that expensive education keeps getting in the way though, I always feel like I should actually state a complete thought, however absurd and conceited it happens to be. My solution is to wildly wave red capes at people and try to goad them into commenting, but apparently it doesn't work (but it's fun..... *evil smirk*)

Ok, that really is all for the day. Now that I've deified myself and called all my readers ignorant idiots, I think my job is done here. Until tomorrow then. You have twelve hours to prepare your fragile teenage egos for another absurd attack from Zephyr, Supreme Emperor of the Universe, Divine Receptacle of all Knowledge.

Besides, my horn is getting a little hoarse from this much tooting....